I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
