Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
