So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
