I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
