bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
