Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
