i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
