OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
