woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
