dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
