Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
