Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
