He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
