so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
