so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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