Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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