I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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