cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
