I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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