And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
