I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
