Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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