Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
