you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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