he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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