At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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