So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
