why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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