Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
