I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
