Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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