TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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