weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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