I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
