She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
