I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
