god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
