i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
