I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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