I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
