grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
