I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
