dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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