I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The air was thick with penises
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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