'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
