Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
