where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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