I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
