We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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