The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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