She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
