His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
