so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
