maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
