Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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