I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
