If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
