He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
