she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
