are you still at the devil's house?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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