I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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