My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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