she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
