how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
