what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
