He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
high people should be assigned attendants
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
