This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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