Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
