I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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