I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
