like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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