At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Reggie can tackle my bush.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Still dying that you shit outside
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
