mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
