did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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