yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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