dude i'm inner monologue high
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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